my fault again. you said you can't stand me, tired of everything, tired of me. asked me to think about what i did and how i've behaved. all i've done was shut myself in my room and just fucking face my fucking textbooks. i can't remember the last time i stepped out of my house to go to anywhere other than back to school to ask some questions. and leave you alone. even when i'm fucking craving for a simple sms or a short phone call from you i just try to shake off the feeling. why. cos i don't wanna fucking bother you since you always make me feel like a hindrance by your side and how you make me feel that spending ANY kind of time with me, be it sending a simple sms or a phone call or chatting on msn with me, is a bloody waste of your precious time. your time's so fucking precious right? i don't even fucking ask you to go out with me anymore. cos even if i convince you to go out with me you'll complain complain grumble grumble etc etc etc how i always force you to go out with me.
how about you? i let you do whatever you want. you can go chat girls up. check girls out. go to clubs with your friends. you don't even have to fucking contact me unless you feel like it. but when you need me i have to be there for you. if not you'll turn all nasty again.all i'm asking is just for you to not lie to me cos i really can't stand liars and it'll cause me to not trust you even more.
during your exams you told me to just be there for you cos its a crucial eoy exam. told me not to make things difficult for you, not to quarrel with you, just be a happy girlfriend no matter how you treat me. ok. fine. i didn't complain. but all the shit you gave me for 1 month+ made me go crazy. as if you're the only one sitting for an important exam. so ok. fine. i broke down and all and you said sorry but after that i was still feeling so angst and you have no idea how fucking upset i was during that period and my tears couldn't stop. you flared up at me and said 'will you bloody get over it i already said sorry so what else are you unhappy about?' yeah ok my fault again. as if you get over stuff when i tell you to.
and remember you said you'll definitely spend time with me after your exams? haha i think we've only gone out like twice since your exams ended. one was the one where we were supposed to go to esplanade. and you weren't even willing to go out with me on that day. complained about how i'm making you travel all the way to suntec, giving me attitude and having this sour look on your face the entire time until we went to kfc where you simmered down a little.
the other time was at vivo city but even then, you weren't concentrating on me. dragging me around vivo city in search for a restaurant for your class to dine at after your sentosa outing. treating me as if i wasn't there just moving from diner to diner, restaurant to restaurant; and i still didn't even complain. you told me to just stick to you and follow you. yeah ok fine. then we saw a few guys from your school and till now i still have no fucking idea why you said 'shit' and walked in the opposite direction, dragging me along with you. but my patience finally snapped when you turned, glared at me and said 'why are you walking so slowly. purposely wanna make me angry right' with such rage. i was really really fuming inside. walking slowly? so i couldn't take it anymore and we quarreled for like 1 minute then after a while you said 'why are you angry? i'm also not making a big fuss out of it. i'm not angry anymore don't make me angry again.' wtf. so its all about you and you and you and you. and to think you gave me a sarcastic reply when i told you that you're damn self-centered.
i don't want to vent everything here cos i know you hate the public to know about our problems but i have one last thing to say. you said to be there for you during your exams. even though i was in the midst of preparing for my O levels i just continued to be there for you, taking all your shit and all. i don't even want to mention how much studying i really did. so now the tables are turned. its holidays for you now but i'm sitting for this fucking exam which determines if i get into a jc or not. have you been fucking here for me? and if so, will you be able to take my frustrations, attitude and breakdowns? can you guarantee me that you won't quarrel with me, won't attitude me back, won't flare up at me cos of my breakdowns etc etc?
both you and i know the answer. you know how temperamental you are. you definitely won't be able to tolerate me. why would i ask you to be there for me when i know all i'm going to get is more fights and quarrels between us?
it has come to the point where every night when i can't sleep, i pick up my phone and call a number after another until the person at the end will pick up. all of which doesn't belong to you. and you know the strangest thing? they don't react the way you do. they're all very nice about it, hearing my worries or just plain talking to me until i feel sleepy, constantly assuring me that i don't have to feel bad and that its ok. and mind you, i wake them up at absurd times like 3, 4 in the morning. i don't even wanna blog about your reaction when i wake you up.
how about you? i let you do whatever you want. you can go chat girls up. check girls out. go to clubs with your friends. you don't even have to fucking contact me unless you feel like it. but when you need me i have to be there for you. if not you'll turn all nasty again.all i'm asking is just for you to not lie to me cos i really can't stand liars and it'll cause me to not trust you even more.
during your exams you told me to just be there for you cos its a crucial eoy exam. told me not to make things difficult for you, not to quarrel with you, just be a happy girlfriend no matter how you treat me. ok. fine. i didn't complain. but all the shit you gave me for 1 month+ made me go crazy. as if you're the only one sitting for an important exam. so ok. fine. i broke down and all and you said sorry but after that i was still feeling so angst and you have no idea how fucking upset i was during that period and my tears couldn't stop. you flared up at me and said 'will you bloody get over it i already said sorry so what else are you unhappy about?' yeah ok my fault again. as if you get over stuff when i tell you to.
and remember you said you'll definitely spend time with me after your exams? haha i think we've only gone out like twice since your exams ended. one was the one where we were supposed to go to esplanade. and you weren't even willing to go out with me on that day. complained about how i'm making you travel all the way to suntec, giving me attitude and having this sour look on your face the entire time until we went to kfc where you simmered down a little.
the other time was at vivo city but even then, you weren't concentrating on me. dragging me around vivo city in search for a restaurant for your class to dine at after your sentosa outing. treating me as if i wasn't there just moving from diner to diner, restaurant to restaurant; and i still didn't even complain. you told me to just stick to you and follow you. yeah ok fine. then we saw a few guys from your school and till now i still have no fucking idea why you said 'shit' and walked in the opposite direction, dragging me along with you. but my patience finally snapped when you turned, glared at me and said 'why are you walking so slowly. purposely wanna make me angry right' with such rage. i was really really fuming inside. walking slowly? so i couldn't take it anymore and we quarreled for like 1 minute then after a while you said 'why are you angry? i'm also not making a big fuss out of it. i'm not angry anymore don't make me angry again.' wtf. so its all about you and you and you and you. and to think you gave me a sarcastic reply when i told you that you're damn self-centered.
i don't want to vent everything here cos i know you hate the public to know about our problems but i have one last thing to say. you said to be there for you during your exams. even though i was in the midst of preparing for my O levels i just continued to be there for you, taking all your shit and all. i don't even want to mention how much studying i really did. so now the tables are turned. its holidays for you now but i'm sitting for this fucking exam which determines if i get into a jc or not. have you been fucking here for me? and if so, will you be able to take my frustrations, attitude and breakdowns? can you guarantee me that you won't quarrel with me, won't attitude me back, won't flare up at me cos of my breakdowns etc etc?
both you and i know the answer. you know how temperamental you are. you definitely won't be able to tolerate me. why would i ask you to be there for me when i know all i'm going to get is more fights and quarrels between us?
it has come to the point where every night when i can't sleep, i pick up my phone and call a number after another until the person at the end will pick up. all of which doesn't belong to you. and you know the strangest thing? they don't react the way you do. they're all very nice about it, hearing my worries or just plain talking to me until i feel sleepy, constantly assuring me that i don't have to feel bad and that its ok. and mind you, i wake them up at absurd times like 3, 4 in the morning. i don't even wanna blog about your reaction when i wake you up.
posted by ----- at 11:42 PM
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