reached home. burst into tears. i screwed up my literature paper. big time. i left two sub-questions out. and the whole paper consisted of only 4 sub-questions. i fucking hate myself for being so careless. i fucking know how to grasp the whole of the second sub-question. the one where they asked 'with close referance to one poem in theme five, explain the hardship some children have to go through etc etc etc' I FUCKING KNOW HOW TO DO THAT. SO MANY FUCKING POEMS ABOUT THAT. tich miller... the louisa dell one... i just didn't have fucking enough time to do all 4 questions. i needed at least another hour to fully touch on and finish all 4 questions. and lit is one of my best subjects. but i fucking screwed it up. was hoping lit can pull up my other grades. like my fucking c6 for chinese... screwed up shit. i hate green beret. i hate fucking poems. i'm gonna burn my fucking poetry book now. i hate everything. i hate my fucking life. i hate my fucking small pea-sized brain which can't seem to remember anything. i hate bloody o levels. i wish i was in IP. i wish i'm in nyjc's ip programme but that's not possible cos they don't have it but i don't care i'm not backspacing what i just typed. day after day, i begin to hate more and more things. i begin to wonder why life is sucha hard thing to handle. and if life is a game, i wonder why i seem to be losing all the time.

but i'm really thankful for the people around me. my friends. my family. sigh my fucking lit... i need to do well for o levels. i don't wanna let my parents down. i don't wanna let my teachers down. and most importantly, i can't bear to let coach down. i haven't been setting my priorities right. and i'm bearing the consequences now. gonna empty my tear ducts out byebye