fred ferkels at almost 4 in the morning. feeling really... down. sick on cny. not feeling well. at all. didn't buy any new clothes. can't be bothered to. for some reason this cny doesn't feel like a cny. oh well. i'm schoolless. haha. mmm. gonna close down this stupid thing soon... really have zilch mood to blog. having an eye infection. gained about three kg (hahaha). going on a diet soon. a diet which includes fred ferkels. i think they're the nicest gummy sweets alive. its by katjes (their yoghurt gums suck btw). 'you give love a bad name' is on repeat. i tried to do that whole self-induced vomiting thing. not that it didn't work everything did come out (in reverse order it was kinda cool...haha) but i still gained the weight anyway. weird. i know. and i didn't enjoy it one bit. nose waters and tears will leak out and your eyes will get all red and you still feel really full whatever the point is it was terrible. i wanna go down to 60kg. my ideal weight haahha but it seems so far away. mumsie saw the cuts she was so hurt. she didn't have to tell me but it was kinda obvious. said i'm cutting her flesh which is kinda true cos she made me. not touching the bloody blade anymore. its rusty anyway. i might die. which isn't that bad a thing actually. i can't think of anything/anyone to live for.